Day 18: The long trip home

As promised, I'm posting the details about our trip home. It was long. Very, very, very long. It started with the bellhop picking up our bags at 5:15 a.m. and then meeting our guide, John, and the Slone family at 5:30 a.m. in the lobby! Our flight to Shanghai departed at 9:00 a.m.

BenBen was HUNGRY!!! As soon as we hit the airport he ate 2 bananas and 3 pieces of bread within 5 minutes. We bought a fresh apple juice slushy at the airport to combat some of the banana constipation. We then had a few hours to kill prior to boarding, so we visited an airport toy store. We enjoyed playing with all the toys - not so sure the workers enjoyed it though! Hey, if BenBen is happy, everyone is happy!!! I also (secretly) purchased some vanilla cookies for the flight...just in case. :)

We finally boarded the 2 hr. flight to Shanghai. Greg had an aisle seat and Ben, Sam and I sat in the same row, across the aisle. BenBen was not sitting still. Orange juice was flying, magazines were ripped, all the vomit bags were torn to shreds and tossed about, more snacking, headsets were torn from the bags and then put back, and then removed, and then put back, (you get the picture!), this kiddo was not relaxing!!! Typical 2 1/2 year old behavior.

We arrived in Shanghai and that's when the real fun began. BenBen had been up since 4:30 a.m. (about 4 hrs. earlier than normal) and was NOT a happy camper. We flew a domestic flight from Guangzhou to Shanghai so we needed to retrieve our luggage, recheck our bags, go thru security and obtain our boarding passes at American Airlines International....and we had a 4 hour layover before our 14 hour flight to Chicago. Sigh......

By the time we made it to the American Airlines International check in counter, BenBen wanted no part of the stroller or anything else for that matter. He was sufficiently fed, watered, diapered and waaayyyyyy beyond tired. Nothing was going to satisfy our lil man. What started as a whiny cry proceeded to an utter screeching meltdown for nearly an hour as we stood in line. The American Airlines counter was not open yet....we were first in line (in what we thought was the right line!)......more on that later.

At one point a random Chinese woman approached and asked Ben, "where are your parents?"....LOL!!! We had pushed his stroller facing away from us...and of course, we don't particularly look like him. We spoke up, "we are his parents". Well, she says, "he's crying. (duh...) Perhaps you should be interacting with him?".....NOT a good thing for her to say. I responded, "Listen, we have 3 children and know how to interact with our children. We do not need your parenting advice"....yes, I was tired...nerves shot. Beyond stressed. 

Ben's "meltdowns" are often intense. His lungs are ginormous and his screams are sheer and utter terror. Besides giving in to him, nothing satisfies him. Often we don't know what he wants, if we even wanted to give in. Usually he doesn't even know what he wants. In this case, he didn't know what he wanted and pushed us away whenever we tried to help. We just had to wait it out...and that's painful for us and others. 

When American finally opened the check-in (Ben still screaming in full force), we were informed we were in the wrong line!!! They re-routed us to the "Economy" line check-in behind 100 other people. Well, after about 5 minutes they realized that was NOT a good idea. They swiftly moved us to the head of the Business Class check-in line!!! LOL!! I think everyone was relieved (albeit a little jealous!).

 

No one understands what Ben has been through in his short little life, especially the last 3 weeks. Not even us. He's grieving, he's confused, he's lost all sense of control and predictability and familiarity in his life. We can't blame him for being upset. He's also a little guy that has clearly gotten what he wants, when he wants it. The term "spoiled" comes to mind. There's some "re-wiring" that needs to take place but he'll be fine, this we know. He's strong-willed with a very loving, tender, sweet heart - and the best smile and laugh ever!!!! We just need to get him home!!!

After finally checking our bags, and heading back thru security, BenBen finally fell asleep in the stroller!!!! Our next mission was to find diapers! We had 1 diaper left. 1 diaper to get us to Chicago....not good. We assumed the airport would sell diapers....that was NOT the case. Seriously weird. We walked every store in the Shanghai airport and not a single diaper. Greg finally approached 2 other American families we had met in Guangzhou (at the White Swan Hotel) who were returning home (on another flight) with kiddos about Ben's age. They graciously supplied us with 2 more diapers!! Enough to get us to Chicago!!! 

We then ate lunch at the food court (Ben still sleeping!) at a Burger King!!! Ahhhh, Sam was in heaven! His first real cheeseburger and fries since Evansville!!! We purchased Ben chicken nuggets and fries for the flight...not knowing what would be served. Completely out of character for me (and if you know me, you'll know I must have been overly tired and stressed) - I ordered a fountain diet coke and large fries for lunch!! They were yummy!!!

Ben awoke shortly after lunch....and it just wasn't his day, poor guy. He couldn't be consoled and cried - slowing proceeding to a complete melt down - for over an hour. We tried everything. I finally took him into a "family" bathroom for some privacy (and perhaps soundproof walls!) in an attempt to calm him down. It just got worse. He was out of the stroller by this point.

I was walking the airport, holding BenBen, trying to console him (especially since we were boarding in mere minutes).... and decided to enter a store to buy bottled water for the flight. In the midst of his fit of inconsolable rage he saw a stuffed panda, smiled, pointed and said, "Mama, PANDA!!!"....and that was it. Fit over. Mama bought the water...AND the panda (a cute small pillow pet type).....and we literally ran to board our 4 p.m. flight to Chicago.

We were seated in "bulkhead" seating....due to Ben's meltdown at American Airlines (Shanghai). They felt sorry for us! It was the row directly behind business class with the most leg room. Great. The problem: the arm rests do not move so BenBen could not lay across our laps to sleep....and we're directly behind Business/First class. The pressure was on to keep this kiddo quiet! 

We settled in and Ben ate his fries, watched part of a movie from his seat's monitor ("Rango" in Chinese!), got up/down from his seat (he will not wear a seat belt) about 50 times, ate LOTS of vanilla cookies and various snacks, tore a few magazines and finally started to wind down around 9:00 p.m.. He only wanted to sleep on my lap...and he weighs 30 lbs. He also moves a lot and couldn't get comfortable. I knew there was NO way I could do this for 10+ hrs. Ben would NOT sit in his seat or with Greg. So, I tossed a blanket on the floor and made him a bed...and laid next to him on the floor to get him to sleep. I have never seen this done, had no idea if it was allowed....but I didn't care. Sheer desperation. I dared anyone to argue with me at this point! After about 3 minutes BenBen was asleep and I went back to my seat...and I slept! 

The "fasten seatbelt" sign came on and I was fearful the flight attendants would make me move Ben...but they didn't!!!! Don't wake a sleeping baby!!! I just put my legs over him and I guess that was secure enough for them! Ben slept the remainder of the flight!!!!!!!!....Greg and I slept a few hours. Sam slept about 6 hours. We landed in Chicago on schedule with only one meltdown just prior to landing as we strapped Ben into his seatbelt. A flight attendant quickly approached and said it would be Ok if he sat on my lap if I just held him tightly. Thank goodness!!! Smart lady! All the flight attendants were so sweet to Ben....our favorite attendant - a young guy - told us "Congratulations, he has your eyes". Cracked me up! He was Chinese.

I only used the restroom with Ben once (luckily he slept most of the flight!) and we met a lady and her son from China that live in Madisonville, Kentucky (about 45 minutes from Evansville) while waiting in line. They were very nice, and of course, thought BenBen was the cutest thing ever. Small world.

After deplaning the longest flight in the history of the world, (and BenBen officially becoming an American Citizen!!!!), the next round of meltdowns occurred as we headed to Customs & Immigration. We assumed our stroller would be at the baggage claim area (as with our other flights). We were standing in line and our favorite flight attendant runs up with our stroller. He tracked us down and said we should have gotten it after deplaning! How awesome was that?!!!! Can't imagine not having Ben's stroller! BenBen, on the other hand, not so happy. 

We made it through Customs & Immigration quickly and proceeded to claim our baggage. MAJOR MELTDOWN in progress. BenBen likes to ride the luggage carts. The carts in Chicago are not suitable for children sitting (vs. in China) and that was not to his liking. The entire Chicago baggage claim area was watching Ben in full glory. Finally, a baggage handler gave him a Snickers bar!!!!! Are you kidding me?!!!! The kid was in heaven....if you know me at all, that was NOT acceptable. But, what was I going to do....BenBen was all chocolaty smiles!

We rechecked our bags and proceeded thru Chicago's security for our final flight to Evansville at 7:40 p.m. Finally!!!! Ben cried some in the boarding area but mostly played with Sam...and got to know all the other Evansville bound families awaiting our flight. Everyone was so surprised how attached and happy he seemed. He was a little superstar! Greg had texted our family that we landed in Chicago and my sister called. It was so nice to speak with family and know we were sooooo close to home!

Our flight to Evansville was on-time (YAY!!!!!). We boarded and were seated directly behind the Chinese family from the Shanghai to Chicago flight!!! They were so sweet and speaking to Ben in Mandarin...but again, he wanted no part of it. It seemed everyone on our small flight knew BenBen and his story by now. Everyone was excitedly anticipating Ben's arrival to his hometown. As suspected (and totally justified for a 2 1/2 yr old), Ben proceeded into a complete meltdown when he had to keep the window shades and tray tables up (during takeoff and landing). 

The language barrier is difficult at times like these. Ben doesn't understand why some things are ok at some times, and not ok at others. How do we communicate that? It will take time. I'd be frustrated if I were him too! Luckily, the Chinese family in front of us retrieved a cake "treat" and pineapple juice box from their carry-on and gave it to BenBen. It was soooo nice and of course, he was instantly happy and distracted. Ben cried again at landing (we think it hurts his ears too) and the Chinese man offered him his eye-glasses case.....BenBen was good the remainder of the flight, but I was afraid he wouldn't want to return it! 

We landed on time and my heart was RACING....just knowing my kiddos were waiting for us was soooo exciting! We deboarded - and what seemed like an hour - waited for our stroller and a bag before entering the airport. We could see balloons and people waving from the windows but couldn't tell if they were for us or who the people were. Ben had no clue what was about to happen. I was praying he wouldn't meltdown or be scared by the chaos! We took the elevator up, turned the corner and there they were....everyone!!!! Ben was walking beside me. I saw Ellie and Jack first and immediately started crying (well, bawling "ugly" cry is more like it). Ben looked at me with a very frightened look on his face. I had to reassure him Mama was happy!!!! 

I couldn't hug my kiddos tightly enough! They looked like they'd grown inches and matured tons. We were soooo surprised and shocked by all the people - Greg's Mom, my parents, my sister Holly, her husband Kevin and their kiddos (Sophie, Lucas), my brother John, his wife Amy and their 4 kiddos (Vincent, Katlynn, Dylan and Trenton) and our neighbors Krista and Brad Will and their two children (Kaley and Porter - both adopted from China) AND even Krista's parents!!! It was wonderful - balloons, signs, tears of joy, hugs and lots of chaos. Ben did great!!! The welcome home was totally unexpected and VERY much appreciated!!!!! 

Ben was amazing...in the midst of all the chaos he just took off. At one point I turned around and he was walking to baggage claims with all the kids!!! He felt totally comfortable. What a miraculous little boy. 

Ben loves affection....but, from people he knows well. Seems perfectly logical to me. It will take him some time to get to know everyone and accept their hugs, kisses and affection but he'll come around. He'll be rough-housing with the cousins in no time!!!

After briefly visiting with everyone we headed to the van....exhausted and ready for bed!!! The next challenge was the car seat....BenBen is not a fan of seatbelts, let alone a 5 harness car seat! He cried but was instantly distracted by holding the balloons. :) We arrived home to more welcome signs and a banner and gifts.....and of course, Chezzy! Ben was soooooooo excited. Chezzy did great with him...they are going to be best buds. They even managed to play some "fetch". Ben opened a gift from Holly and Kevin - a monogrammed beach towel, 2 basketballs, Cardinals baesball shirt and 1st pair of Crocs! The Will's had even dropped by a gift for US! A six-pack of TsingTao and some Pringles!!!! How perfect was that?!  

Sam was also excited to distribute all the souvenirs we purchased....Ellie loved her new Chinese traditional gowns and slippers and jade pendant necklace. Jack was not as impressed with his Chinese traditional outfit or hat...he just wanted to follow Ben around the house, gently "petting" his arm and saying, "Hi buddy, I'm Jack, your big brother". It was soooooooo sweet!!!!

Sam was on overdrive. As soon as we boarded the plane to Evansville he said, "I'm so happy to be going home"....which for Sam, is a lot to say! Within 5 minutes of being home he was hammering his Chinese lanterns to the ceiling in his bedroom, setting up his new Chinese Chess set, laying out his dragon marionette and his jade Buddha and serpent. He loves his room and couldn't wait to get all settled in.

After Chezzy, BenBen went straight for the toy area in the living room. He seemed overwhelmed, tired but happy to see the kids and his new surroundings. We explored the house, gave Ben a quick bath, moved his toddler bed from Jack/Ben's room next to our bed, and off he went to sleep. Greg and I then spent a little time with Ellie and Jack and we were all off to bed by 11 p.m. Whew.....

It felt beyond nice to be home again, with all my kiddos under one roof...safe and sound. Exhausted does not begin to describe how tired we were....emotionally and physically. The journey is long, the travel is hard and meeting/raising your new child in a hotel room while touring with no schedules and routines is extremely difficult. BUT, it was amazing. We feel so blessed to have this miraculously strong, handsome, smart, sweet little boy in our lives. We do believe he was meant to be ours....always. We will face a few challenges because we know nothing about the first 2 years and 8 months of his life....or his birth family. We do know he is strong, persevering and trusting and loving us more every day.

From the bottom of our hearts, we thank everyone who has followed our journey and supported us thru prayers, emails, blog/Facebook comments, watched our kiddos and maintained our home (Meri!!!!), mowed our grass (Clay/Drew Drew!), included our kiddos/Meri in family outings and dinners (my family)...all so appreciated. We couldn't have done it without you!!

We will try to keep the blog updated for a while so everyone can follow BenBen's progress and adjustment into our family and we hope you'll continue to follow along. :)